Berger to Ajah via Ojuelegba

Guy how far? You no dey go church?

See I’m not happy this morning, I’m afraid.

Wetin happen bro?

There’s this girl I hooked up with one month ago. She came to my place for the first time yesterday.

Baba o, you be don now. What now happened?

Guy, I no dey joke o. The night started well, we went out, had so much fun and she didn’t mind staying over at my place. She said she wished we spent more time together. I mean she’s a decent girl so it really took some time for her to trust me. So we settled in bed for the night after we had a glass of wine each. She didn’t mind sleeping in my bed and she didn’t mind that I slept on the same bed…

Hmmn, chairman!!! abeg tell me something, we go go for third service.

She wasn’t comfortable sleeping in her denim and jeans. She asked for any of my t-shirts. You know, something a little oversized for her. I also changed into my pyjamas wearing my round neck and boxers. We talked on and on. We kissed and cuddled.


Wetin dey worry you sef, why you dey awwn awwn? You be gay?

No mind me, wetin con happen?

Na so my hands just start to dey wander. It was as if a remote was controlling them. She didn’t object. We continued talking and before you know it she was facing me and one thing one thing it got friskier. She held me tight. We continued. Downwards.

Mo jeri e (I trust you). Baddo sneh. Hehe.

Just immediately after we reached cloud nine, she suddenly paused and like started talking funny. That I forced her to have sex with me. That she didn’t come to my house for the first time to have sex. That she can never trust me again.

Ah ahn…say wetin happen? Which kain angle be that?

O boy, I think say she dey joke first but like play like play she don change am for me. She talk say I rape am. Rape kwa! Na so I sharpardly commot mysef for bed, wear my robe. My eye clear. She became moody.

Omo na one chance be that o.

I just dey fear make she no go put am for Twitter or Instagram now. Kai, my own don be. Wetin dey worry me sef? And I get exam wey I suppose dey read for o.

Bro, konji na bastard. But how old be this babe?

She’s 23.

Haaaa, that age ehn. No be small tin o. I get my own experience for babes in their late teens and early twenties, dem dey behave somehow. Where she been dey live sef? Na rich girl?

Na Berger o. She lives with her parents. They are very comfortable.

Hahaha from Berger all the way to Ajah! Guy you bad!

Well I mean she’s not a bad girl. She’s only got emotions like any guy too. You wey dey talk, no be you find babe go PH?

Forget that one. I’m a guy.


I’m the one who’s supposed to go to any length.

Says who? Which law? By the same measure she can travel anywhere for love my friend.

Abeg Mr lawyer no drag law enter this matter. This one far guy. How can she reasonably justify rape like that? She can’t be that stupid. I mean you didn’t force her to sleep over. In the same bed. You cuddled and kissed. I don’t get it. Rape?

I just don’t want an irrational tweet to dent my law career this early. Na why I dey fear.

Forget guy! Nothing do you. If she try am, you go sue am now.

But some image damage would have been done.

I don’t think she’ll do that. Call her. Narrate the night again to her. Let her know that she had the power to say no and you would have respected her wishes. Tell her she still reserves her power and that you don’t rate her any less than before the night. Perhaps she doesn’t want you to have a false sense of “bad guy”, like you had the “power to have her” on your first night. She wants to be sure that you know that.

You think so? I hope she picks my calls though.

I believe so. I think sometimes they really can not correctly express what they actually feel deep down. And to be fair that happens to guys too sometimes. But women are far more likely to misrepresent what they actually feel.

Hmmmn, Mr Love doctor. Make I call am.

Actually I first thought that you were feeling guilty for having sex itself and that’s why you were not getting ready for church.

Naah, which kain? Na today?

And one more thing

Talking about Berger, did you watch the news about that tanker fire?

My God, that was heart wrenching. I felt sick.

Living everyday in Naija is a miracle now. Literarily. See Ojuelegba truck too. Exactly same thing happened last year but we send “out thoughts and prayers”.

That’s it. Prayers! And we thank God we weren’t involved. Wo, I dey commot for this country. Mi o se mo (I’m not doing again). Infact make I tell you, me don dey arrange Canada.

We can’t all leave. Even if we leave, we’ll remain Nigerians who fled their poverty and blood fields. But I think people are getting angrier now. I hope it is sustained into 2019. I hope idiotic videos like a senator dancing doesn’t trend anymore. I’m willing to go to the street for revolution now.

That’s true. Our lives are now more threatened. Even the rich, famous and indifferent people are shaken and are now afraid too. We should not be hunted in our own land.

Yes we own the right to live.

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