Once upon a time Beans

What triggered my happy fingers this time? It was a weird sight I saw at a restaurant recently. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the combo before this guy. Beans and moinmoin. Beans and moinmoin! You said? “And so what?” Aah, you must be some weird reader too. Lol. Read on.

Beans had always been my favorite meal (not sure if that was because I was born with a wooden spoon or actual love…maybe both) till last year when I realised it wasn’t anymore. That timeless african meal became the first-choice for my taste buds. And it wasn’t until someone volunteered to cook beans for me, and I declined, that it dawned on me that beans was no longer the deal. Nevertheless I will tell you the wondrous things, that I have done to beans. And what beans, in turn, has done to me and many like me who are or were faithful beansophiles

Indeed, looking at that guy eating beans was nostalgic, as I remembered the crazy things we did to and for ourselves in times of need and sometimes just for fun. It was an inanimate story of mutualism in symbiosis. I understand that beans is processed into various forms like moin moin, gbegiri, akara, etc, but the form I was in love with is Wanke, Ewa, Agwa, Beans. He is whom I write about.

I’ve eaten varieties. Who can resist the tasty delicacy called ewa igoin? When made as porridge it can come in different concentrations, mostly thick (like butter) good for sandwich with bread or moderately pasty which is best eaten with dodo (not plantain, for me the fried over-ripe plantain, which is honey-sweet is called dodo). But if that beans is prepared by the uninitiated, it is usually the watery edition. But nothing spoil. It can be savaged. Soak garri in it. Yeah literarily. Everything will then work together for good. That’s all. Some have (well, I have) added so many things to present it sweet, holy and acceptable unto all men; sugar, honey, sweet potatoes, over-ripe plantain among other wild and weird “condiments” that boyz have used (you can guess if you know what I mean) for their nefarious escapades. Yours sincerely, I have never used such condiments.

For me, ewa graduated from just my favourite and became a friend that sticks with one at all times, never denying its heavy presence. He is all you need for the whole day when you have him early and enough. Yes, I mean 24 hours. All you need do is give him water on every demand to do this job effectively in you. I have relied on him in hard times when money wasn’t just readily available and I had to choose each day whom I would follow. He never betrayed. If one would ask me to show my food-friend, you could tell who I was. Those who could testify to our friendship are the food vendors in my early varsity days and some other friends and friends of friend who were witnesses and partakers of this fellowship with beans.

Vigna unguilata as it is scientifically known tries often times to make its presence known by the enormous bio-gas it generates (elaborated when eaten with egg) in-vivo. He is never ashamed of this irrespective of the eater’s location or situation; conference room, lecture room, airplane, bus, with a lover, or alone. The gas comes out of the exhaust copiously, defiantly, sometimes violently. Bombastic. Probably why most ladies don’t do beans. However we have devised many ways of giving it a quiet, easy and anonymous passage. This control mechanisms are beyond the scope of this article.

While most ladies don’t like eating beans, men generally are fans to varying degrees. I remember my sister brought back her full bag of beans from campus one day heavily infested with big weevils. Unlike her, my beans usually finished way before rice as I have once left a sizeable amount of my rice stock behind in a hostel room after the close of a session. Ironically though, beans is a staple food sometimes used by some girls that diet. Some hold the myth that it helps grow taller. A virtuous sister-in-the-Lord whom I worked with few years ago was one who occasionally ministered dodo-garnished beans to me among other holy and sweet-smelling sacrifices acceptable before all and in God’s sight, of which I have saintly brethren who were also partakers of her grace. She likes beans. But I don’t know why.

I may never know why I lost interest in this food that I once wrote a poem about. However, changing the last words of the dual-faced artist in his hit track just for ewa, I sing in conclusion;

I loved beans o, I loved beans, I loved beans, Nwunye mo… I loved beans, I loved beans. The End

But Two More Things…

I don’t know why some people complain about constipation. They say they haven’t used the toilet in five days! Really? Have you eaten beans? Yes beans. Okay wait first, don’t rush to it. There is a way to it. Eat it in the loose porridge form while it is hot. And early in the morning. Your life will never remain the same again. Trust me.

Why would someone put beans and moinmoin in a single dish? Haba. People take things far in this life sha. It reminded me of when I used to eat Indomie and bread during undergrad. Freedom of Choice right? But could it be bachelorhood? When boys can eat anything sometimes rubbish. Literarily.

With my own hands. @bamsky007